The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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