I will die if light touches me.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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