how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize