My friends, they love my intelligence
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
