Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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