Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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