i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
