Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
