I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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