I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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