haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize