i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
