DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it because I queefed?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
