He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
