My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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