im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
