Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
