I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
