awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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