I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
