I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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