if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
