Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
