is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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