Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
