I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
