He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
