hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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