i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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