Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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