she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Still dying that you shit outside
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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