how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
