Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
