if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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