from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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