I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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