Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
