well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
