Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
