so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize