I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
