I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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