I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
