WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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