I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
