if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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