Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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