We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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