when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
