thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
