You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
