So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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