ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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