if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize