Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize