I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
