What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize