I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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