Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
