I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
