Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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