I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
