thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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