My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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