the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
