Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need water and some morals
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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