Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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