am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
