You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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