he thought i was a dude.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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