yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
