i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize