I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
