Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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