Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
