I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
