Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
