Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i will never coherently bang her
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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