you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
