Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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