why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize