dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
