my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
