Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
