Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
