A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
