Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
