jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
