I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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