someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
