I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize