I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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