why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
