ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
