why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
