Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
