I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
