These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
