We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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