i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
