haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
