fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
