Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
