God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
