I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
