i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
