Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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