Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
