I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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