Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
