Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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