bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am one with the molecules
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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