I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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