I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
