I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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