I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
